Guys and Infertility

As you may have noticed, there's not a whole lot out there on infertility from the guy's perspective.  As I come across any, I make sure to show them to DH in case he can get anything out of them.  So far, he hasn't found any of them to be much help, but he and I will both be interested to read a book we found out about (more on that later).  Even though DH didn't find them helpful for what he's experiencing, though, I wanted to share what I've found so far in case they can help anyone else's husbands.

The first article I came across was rather unexpected.  I was going through an old issue of Glamour that I hadn't read yet in order to throw it in the recycling, when I found this article written by Joe Conason about the experience he and his wife had with conceiving twins through IVF.  Joe wrote about trying to support his wife (and the mistakes he made in doing so), about the cost of IVF, and about the anxiety that he and his wife experienced through the failed attempts and then through her pregnancy.  I thought that Joe did an effective job of weaving together his own story with commentary on the state of infertility in America.

The second resource is one that I found on Melissa Ford's masterwork, Lost and Found and Connections Abound, or LFCA for short.  The LFCA is a sort of home base for the ALI (Adoption, Loss, and Infertility) blogging community.  It helps to connect bloggers with each other and share news and needs for support.  One of the sections of the LFCA is a listing of new ALI blogs, and on there I found Hope to be Daddy: A Guy's Infertility Voice.  It's an interesting blog both because of being from the guy's point of view and because this is a guy who really wants to be a father and is struggling with his own feelings about infertility rather than just struggling to deal with his wife's feelings.  Women are more likely than men to be the first one ready to start trying to conceive, the first one to become frustrated with conception does not happen, and the first one to want to seek treatment.  It would not surprise me if many men were to find the author of this blog hard to relate to because of how much he wants to be a father, but from my perspective, it's refreshing to see.

The other resource I've found so far is one that DH and I both heard about from different channels.  I saw a link on another infertility blog to this interview with comedian Marc Sedaka about his book What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting.  I showed the article about the interview to DH, and he said that he had heard the same story on the news while he was driving.  I'm planning on picking up a copy of the book for us within the next few days, and I'll want to read it once DH is done.  I told him I was interested to see what Sedaka says to guys, similar to how I had snagged and read the copy he had been given of The Groom's Survival Guide.  I'll make sure to share my thoughts once I get a chance to read it, never fear!

First Support Group Meeting and the Possibility of Progress

I had definitely hoped for more from the support group, but it was good for what it was.  The basic issue is that it has just started--this was only the second meeting ever (which explains why I hadn't been able to find a group anywhere near me when I had looked before).  Because the group has just started, I was one of only 2 people there.  There were other people who had expressed interest in coming, but none of them came yesterday.

The group leader, R, is really nice.  She's in the same field as I am, so we both know what it's like to work around a bunch of women and always be seeing someone pregnant at work.  I shared with her info I've learned about adoption, and she shared about how few eggs women really have at 35 (which really makes me want to kick DH's ass into gear and smack anyone who says, "oh, you have tons of time still!").  It was really nice to be able to talk in person with someone who's going through this.  I really appreciate the support I get online, but it was nice to have support in person too.  I told R about the ALI blogging community (no, Kerry et al, not that ALI, Adoption/Loss/Infertility), so hopefully she's able to find support out in the blogoverse too.

R was telling me about how easy it was to start the group (she had been going up to Bel Air for one).  We talked about the possibility of me starting one down in Annapolis, since Severn is still a hike.  I decided I'd rather contribute to the success of this group first, though, before possibly starting a splinter group, especially since I don't really know any local infertiles.  Katie, this is one time I definitely wish you were back home instead of in the ATL.

In other news, DH was finally told that he should be switching companies next month.  So hopefully I can switch insurance in time to maybe have the new insurance by the beginning of July.  I need to talk to our HR person this week to make sure we're set up for the switch, since she goes on maternity leave by the end of the month.  If I'm "lucky," around August I can start figuring out what's wrong with me.  August will be 2 years since we started trying.  Even though we're not trying right now, we're not preventing anything, so it still kinda counts.  I know 2 years isn't long compared to some people's journeys, but that is also 2 years without any clarity or answers, and it will be nice to be able to start searching for answers even if we're still not doing anything with the answers we get.

Here Goes...Something to make the Nothing more bearable

I found on the RESOLVE.org website a relatively local IF support group (relatively local meaning driving to the other end of the county, rather than halfway across the state).  First meeting since I found the group is tonight.  Had therapy tonight, but I switched that to next week so I could go to the support group.  Hopefully it will help.

In other news, I will be writing frantically this week because I am, for the second time in my life, doing the sermon (or, since I'm Methodist and not ordained, "bringing the message") this Sunday.