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I had an SHG for the first time today. I have a small-to-average polyp at the top of my uterus, and a band of tissue that may be endometrial overgrowth. The nurse practitioner thinks the doctor will want to do a hysteroscopy and remove the polyp. I'm terrified, and so is my husband. The last time I went under anesthesia for a "minor 30-minute procedure" I woke up 2 1/2 hours later to find out I no longer had an ovary or tube on the right side. And to add to the fun, right after we met our deductible and found out the IVF coverage had been raised, my husband's company got sold and we now have a new deductible and no coverage for IUI, IVF, or medicated cycles/monitoring.
Showing posts with label #MicroblogMondays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #MicroblogMondays. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
#MicroblogMondays: In the Minor Leagues
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We are taking this month off from going to the RE, but not taking this month off from trying. I hadn't mentioned it before, because I've been too busy dealing with the aftereffects of it, but I was in an accident on December 14 that totaled my car. (I was lucky enough to not be majorly injured, but still have some bruising a month later and need PT for my back now.) We are still finishing up buying a car, and the logistics of trying to get to the RE while sharing one car are prohibitive. (Mel, since the Beltway and the Perimeter are the same size, it's as if I lived in Gaithersburg and worked in Poolesville while the clinic is where 95 and 495 meet by College Park.) We both have mixed emotions about skipping the medicated cycle. Since we're back to a deductible, it lets more of the HSA build up before we try (although an ER visit for one of the kids may have killed both the deductible and the HSA balance). And Papa Bear wants me to have more time to recover and start the PT sessions before adding more medications to my body again.
But it feels weird to have a new plan and be waiting to implement it. Remember how we had 4 eggs in November and was told not to try and tried anyway? Well, in December, we did 2.5 mg of Femara instead and got FIVE eggs. Because my body is that damned crazy. So now my RE wants to cut the smallest Clomid pills in half and do 25 mg of Clomid. But we're not doing it this month. At least no one can tell us this month that we have too many eggs and can't try! I may be benched in the major leagues, but at least I can play in the minors?
We are taking this month off from going to the RE, but not taking this month off from trying. I hadn't mentioned it before, because I've been too busy dealing with the aftereffects of it, but I was in an accident on December 14 that totaled my car. (I was lucky enough to not be majorly injured, but still have some bruising a month later and need PT for my back now.) We are still finishing up buying a car, and the logistics of trying to get to the RE while sharing one car are prohibitive. (Mel, since the Beltway and the Perimeter are the same size, it's as if I lived in Gaithersburg and worked in Poolesville while the clinic is where 95 and 495 meet by College Park.) We both have mixed emotions about skipping the medicated cycle. Since we're back to a deductible, it lets more of the HSA build up before we try (although an ER visit for one of the kids may have killed both the deductible and the HSA balance). And Papa Bear wants me to have more time to recover and start the PT sessions before adding more medications to my body again.
But it feels weird to have a new plan and be waiting to implement it. Remember how we had 4 eggs in November and was told not to try and tried anyway? Well, in December, we did 2.5 mg of Femara instead and got FIVE eggs. Because my body is that damned crazy. So now my RE wants to cut the smallest Clomid pills in half and do 25 mg of Clomid. But we're not doing it this month. At least no one can tell us this month that we have too many eggs and can't try! I may be benched in the major leagues, but at least I can play in the minors?
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Perspective
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In the midst of feeling like crap about this cycle failing, I got a jolt of perspective. There's a woman who had been a part of my church before I joined, while she was a professor at the nearby college. She had become Christian in America, and when she returned to her home in China, she shared her faith with the people that she encountered. Because of this, she has been jailed and beaten multiple times. I first learned about her on Friday night, when the choir and orchestra were told that she had been jailed and beaten again and that she was pregnant. On Sunday morning, we learned that she had lost the baby due to the beating. As horrible as my experience has been, especially with losing Otter and how the surgery had gone, it's nothing compared to hers.
In the midst of feeling like crap about this cycle failing, I got a jolt of perspective. There's a woman who had been a part of my church before I joined, while she was a professor at the nearby college. She had become Christian in America, and when she returned to her home in China, she shared her faith with the people that she encountered. Because of this, she has been jailed and beaten multiple times. I first learned about her on Friday night, when the choir and orchestra were told that she had been jailed and beaten again and that she was pregnant. On Sunday morning, we learned that she had lost the baby due to the beating. As horrible as my experience has been, especially with losing Otter and how the surgery had gone, it's nothing compared to hers.
Monday, November 28, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Good News and Bad News Leads to What?
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I hadn't had time to blog this last week because I was leaving town, but I had my mid-cycle follow up last Tuesday. The Femara worked...a little too well. I had FOUR follicles maturing. The doctor asked whether we would consider selective reduction if we went forward with the cycle, and both Papa Bear and I could not do it. She then offered to use a needle to aspirate two of the eggs that day, but Papa Bear did not feel good with it ethically (I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but if he's not comfortable with it we won't do it). So we were told to use protection for the rest of the week. I talked to my parents about it (who made my sister on the 7th or 8th treatment cycle), and they thought we should try anyway because two of the follicles were smaller than the other two and because the chance of higher order multiples is still pretty low. I prayed about whether we should try or not. Man, I wish God gave clear yes/no answers. The next day was my birthday. We had made it to New York for the holiday and, through a twist of fate, got a second suite comped to us at the Residence Inn for the kids so that we had a king-size bed/room to ourselves with no kids on the other side of the wall. Seemed like a sign for sure. So now we wait and see.
I hadn't had time to blog this last week because I was leaving town, but I had my mid-cycle follow up last Tuesday. The Femara worked...a little too well. I had FOUR follicles maturing. The doctor asked whether we would consider selective reduction if we went forward with the cycle, and both Papa Bear and I could not do it. She then offered to use a needle to aspirate two of the eggs that day, but Papa Bear did not feel good with it ethically (I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but if he's not comfortable with it we won't do it). So we were told to use protection for the rest of the week. I talked to my parents about it (who made my sister on the 7th or 8th treatment cycle), and they thought we should try anyway because two of the follicles were smaller than the other two and because the chance of higher order multiples is still pretty low. I prayed about whether we should try or not. Man, I wish God gave clear yes/no answers. The next day was my birthday. We had made it to New York for the holiday and, through a twist of fate, got a second suite comped to us at the Residence Inn for the kids so that we had a king-size bed/room to ourselves with no kids on the other side of the wall. Seemed like a sign for sure. So now we wait and see.
Monday, October 17, 2016
#Microblog Mondays: The Quest for Invisibility
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Monday, October 03, 2016
#Microblog Mondays: Fear and Trembling
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I keep swinging back and forth between being glad we have a chance to try and being certain that nothing good is going to happen because my only remaining ovary is too broken. I think I've been reading too much on the internet/FB (I know, irony, right?) and seeing people told that Clomid won't help them and maybe they should try egg donation. Papa Bear feels like that would defeat the purpose of having a baby that was the two of us. I want to be pregnant and carry a baby, I think even if it weren't my eggs, but I can't justify that much of an expense for a possibility when we have three kids to provide for both now and in the future. But I still want a second child that is MINE, that calls ME Mommy and Papa Bear Daddy.
I keep swinging back and forth between being glad we have a chance to try and being certain that nothing good is going to happen because my only remaining ovary is too broken. I think I've been reading too much on the internet/FB (I know, irony, right?) and seeing people told that Clomid won't help them and maybe they should try egg donation. Papa Bear feels like that would defeat the purpose of having a baby that was the two of us. I want to be pregnant and carry a baby, I think even if it weren't my eggs, but I can't justify that much of an expense for a possibility when we have three kids to provide for both now and in the future. But I still want a second child that is MINE, that calls ME Mommy and Papa Bear Daddy.
Monday, August 08, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Christmas
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Don't worry, I haven't seen decorations in the stores yet!!! My husband and I are watching an episode of Cake Wars so old that it's Christmas-themed, and all the commercials are Christmassy as well. Last year, Papa Bear and I basically went through the minimal motions on Christmas for the kids and punted the rest of the effort to my parents, since we went there for the day. The baby we lost had been due right at the beginning of January, and so we had been expecting to spend Christmas getting ready for a birth. We also had the tree fall twice and break a lot of my deceased mom's ornaments on the first year we had them to put on the tree. So we were just DONE with Christmas. I was afraid that Christmas would be forever ruined, which would really suck because of how much I loved Christmas before. But seeing the commercials tonight, I'm actually kinda excited about Christmas for this year. I don't know how I'll feel when we get closer to it, but for now, it's a good sign.
Don't worry, I haven't seen decorations in the stores yet!!! My husband and I are watching an episode of Cake Wars so old that it's Christmas-themed, and all the commercials are Christmassy as well. Last year, Papa Bear and I basically went through the minimal motions on Christmas for the kids and punted the rest of the effort to my parents, since we went there for the day. The baby we lost had been due right at the beginning of January, and so we had been expecting to spend Christmas getting ready for a birth. We also had the tree fall twice and break a lot of my deceased mom's ornaments on the first year we had them to put on the tree. So we were just DONE with Christmas. I was afraid that Christmas would be forever ruined, which would really suck because of how much I loved Christmas before. But seeing the commercials tonight, I'm actually kinda excited about Christmas for this year. I don't know how I'll feel when we get closer to it, but for now, it's a good sign.
Monday, August 01, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Wading Into New Waters
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I've been seeing an ad on my Facebook for MyEndometriosisTeam, a social network for women with endo. I've been thinking about joining and just not having the time, but from when I first saw it until my computer had to restart, the tab was open in Chrome waiting for me. Tonight, I clicked to join, and now my anxiety is in full swing. I'm sitting here typing and playing a silly Facebook game and not saying anything out loud to my family while my skin feels too tight for my body and my muscles are rigid. I don't know why I'm reacting this strongly. Maybe it's my social anxiety and the fear of putting myself out there to meet new people and people not being interested in connecting with me. Here, most of my connections are people I've known for years on here, even if I was gone for a long time. And here feels safe. It could also be fear of what I'll find out, or of not learning and gaining anything useful. I don't know. But here goes, I guess.
I've been seeing an ad on my Facebook for MyEndometriosisTeam, a social network for women with endo. I've been thinking about joining and just not having the time, but from when I first saw it until my computer had to restart, the tab was open in Chrome waiting for me. Tonight, I clicked to join, and now my anxiety is in full swing. I'm sitting here typing and playing a silly Facebook game and not saying anything out loud to my family while my skin feels too tight for my body and my muscles are rigid. I don't know why I'm reacting this strongly. Maybe it's my social anxiety and the fear of putting myself out there to meet new people and people not being interested in connecting with me. Here, most of my connections are people I've known for years on here, even if I was gone for a long time. And here feels safe. It could also be fear of what I'll find out, or of not learning and gaining anything useful. I don't know. But here goes, I guess.
Monday, July 18, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Vacation Hangover
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We made it back. Left Delaware at 9:45 Saturday morning and went to Baltimore for the Scout shop and a crab house before heading to North Carolina. Got to hotel in High Point at 2 AM, thanks to the hell that is I-95 between DC and Richmond. I should've gone with my instincts and taken 301. Made it home at 10:45 last night after dropping the oldest at Scout camp in NC and getting semi-lost in the Pisgah National Forest. Happy to have gotten crabs and happy to have found a random swimming hole in the middle of the forest.
We made it back. Left Delaware at 9:45 Saturday morning and went to Baltimore for the Scout shop and a crab house before heading to North Carolina. Got to hotel in High Point at 2 AM, thanks to the hell that is I-95 between DC and Richmond. I should've gone with my instincts and taken 301. Made it home at 10:45 last night after dropping the oldest at Scout camp in NC and getting semi-lost in the Pisgah National Forest. Happy to have gotten crabs and happy to have found a random swimming hole in the middle of the forest.
Monday, July 11, 2016
#Microblog Mondays: At The Beach
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At the beach with my stepfamily, the best week of every year! The water was warm today (considering that it's Delaware) and Papa Bear got one of the kids over a massive fear of the ocean. I'm also loving seeing my son getting to meet and play with two other cousins his age. He sure looks like them, for someone who shares no genes! The only hard part has been the knowledge that my second baby should have been here being passed around and trying to catch up with the youngest cousin, who is crawling.
The other baby in the top picture has the same first name as my son and is one month older. The one in the bottom pic is 5 months younger. My aunt got my son and the other one in the bottom pic mixed up last night!
At the beach with my stepfamily, the best week of every year! The water was warm today (considering that it's Delaware) and Papa Bear got one of the kids over a massive fear of the ocean. I'm also loving seeing my son getting to meet and play with two other cousins his age. He sure looks like them, for someone who shares no genes! The only hard part has been the knowledge that my second baby should have been here being passed around and trying to catch up with the youngest cousin, who is crawling.
The other baby in the top picture has the same first name as my son and is one month older. The one in the bottom pic is 5 months younger. My aunt got my son and the other one in the bottom pic mixed up last night!
Monday, June 27, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: HSG Expenses
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Today, I called around to find out how much we need to budget for an HSG. The good news is that because we have a diagnosis that can be tested and treated by an HSG, it is covered by insurance; the bad news is that we have a high enough deductible that we still have to pay for it out of pocket. I first called the hospital system that was close to me and got a quote of $900 (though they later called back and said it was actually $1200). I was starting to panic, thinking we would have to wait till next year, when I got a call back from the main fertility clinic on this side of town, which does them in house. Self-pay cost of $621 and cost for my insurance plan of about $350. MUCH BETTER!!!!! I told Papa Bear, and he told me that he had been looking at forums about costs but hadn't told me because he was seeing multiple posts about costs over $3000. I'm glad he didn't tell me that until I had an actual answer, but I'm also very glad to be married to someone who wants this enough for himself as well as for me that he goes on infertility forums to do his own research. (Heck, it still amazes me that he figured out I probably had endometriosis multiple years before doctors took the concern seriously or diagnosed me)
Today, I called around to find out how much we need to budget for an HSG. The good news is that because we have a diagnosis that can be tested and treated by an HSG, it is covered by insurance; the bad news is that we have a high enough deductible that we still have to pay for it out of pocket. I first called the hospital system that was close to me and got a quote of $900 (though they later called back and said it was actually $1200). I was starting to panic, thinking we would have to wait till next year, when I got a call back from the main fertility clinic on this side of town, which does them in house. Self-pay cost of $621 and cost for my insurance plan of about $350. MUCH BETTER!!!!! I told Papa Bear, and he told me that he had been looking at forums about costs but hadn't told me because he was seeing multiple posts about costs over $3000. I'm glad he didn't tell me that until I had an actual answer, but I'm also very glad to be married to someone who wants this enough for himself as well as for me that he goes on infertility forums to do his own research. (Heck, it still amazes me that he figured out I probably had endometriosis multiple years before doctors took the concern seriously or diagnosed me)
Monday, June 13, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Surviving
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I don't really know what to say. This is a bad week. I hadn't been blogging for a while both because of being crazy busy and because I didn't really know what to say because of how much I was dreading this week. This past Friday was the anniversary of when I found out that Otter was gone. This Wednesday is the anniversary of the surgery when so much changed. Friday sucked hard. I was really glad to have an excuse not to be seeing clients that day, and during the day was okay, but the evening brought up all my feelings of hopelessness and rejection.
Talking about it later with a friend of mine helped, as she pointed out that with having my son's birthday party on Friday, it became a dual celebration between celebrating his life and the fact that I lived through the surgery.
I'm still scared about Wednesday. It's a major transition point for me career-wise as well, as I stop seeing one set of clients and say goodbye to the last of them. Then I have a meeting along with the older kids that night and we go shopping for Father's Day presents. I hope that will be enough to shut my heart down until after the kids are in bed that night, but I'm so scared that it won't be.
I don't really know what to say. This is a bad week. I hadn't been blogging for a while both because of being crazy busy and because I didn't really know what to say because of how much I was dreading this week. This past Friday was the anniversary of when I found out that Otter was gone. This Wednesday is the anniversary of the surgery when so much changed. Friday sucked hard. I was really glad to have an excuse not to be seeing clients that day, and during the day was okay, but the evening brought up all my feelings of hopelessness and rejection.
Talking about it later with a friend of mine helped, as she pointed out that with having my son's birthday party on Friday, it became a dual celebration between celebrating his life and the fact that I lived through the surgery.
I'm still scared about Wednesday. It's a major transition point for me career-wise as well, as I stop seeing one set of clients and say goodbye to the last of them. Then I have a meeting along with the older kids that night and we go shopping for Father's Day presents. I hope that will be enough to shut my heart down until after the kids are in bed that night, but I'm so scared that it won't be.
Monday, May 09, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Mother's Day in Multiple Ways
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On Thursday night, I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time as a stepmother, though it's the third May since I became a stepmother. Papa Bear gave the kids the option of whether they wanted to buy me something while they were buying their mom gifts, and they each chose to get a gift for me, along with a card that made me tear up.
On Sunday, I spent most of the day helping other people's kids along with my toddler, working at a quizbowl tournament. Papa Bear got my friends in on helping distract me while he had the baby "sign" the card in crayon, and he picked out a present that I needed but wouldn't have thought of buying for myself. I don't care much about brands of purses or anything like that, but I love POCKETS in my purses because I have trouble staying organized, and he got me one with lots of pockets.
What did the most to make me cry, though, was the text my Dad sent, "Happy Mother's Day x4." My son, both stepkids, and my lost Otter.
On Thursday night, I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time as a stepmother, though it's the third May since I became a stepmother. Papa Bear gave the kids the option of whether they wanted to buy me something while they were buying their mom gifts, and they each chose to get a gift for me, along with a card that made me tear up.
On Sunday, I spent most of the day helping other people's kids along with my toddler, working at a quizbowl tournament. Papa Bear got my friends in on helping distract me while he had the baby "sign" the card in crayon, and he picked out a present that I needed but wouldn't have thought of buying for myself. I don't care much about brands of purses or anything like that, but I love POCKETS in my purses because I have trouble staying organized, and he got me one with lots of pockets.
What did the most to make me cry, though, was the text my Dad sent, "Happy Mother's Day x4." My son, both stepkids, and my lost Otter.
Monday, April 25, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: What's in a Name?
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My son's first word, at almost 6 months old, was "Mama." He didn't say it again for a while, and then it was all "Dada, dada, dada" for another while before "Mama" came back into play, but anytime he did refer to me as anything, it was "Mama" and then "Mommy." Over the past month or two, though, he's started calling me "Jessie." I try to teach him to say and sign "Mommy," and sometimes it works, but other times I spend what feels like forever repeating "Mommy" while he responds with "Jessie." As a stepparent, I would never ask the older kids to refer to me by a name they don't feel comfortable with, and I would never try to supplant their mother. At the same time, this side effect of that really hurts. I worked so hard and went through so much to be able to actually be Mommy to someone, and even while I know how and why it's happening, it still feels like that is being diluted.
(I am really glad that my husband understands how I feel and why and does what he can to reinforce "Mommy" with my son)
My son's first word, at almost 6 months old, was "Mama." He didn't say it again for a while, and then it was all "Dada, dada, dada" for another while before "Mama" came back into play, but anytime he did refer to me as anything, it was "Mama" and then "Mommy." Over the past month or two, though, he's started calling me "Jessie." I try to teach him to say and sign "Mommy," and sometimes it works, but other times I spend what feels like forever repeating "Mommy" while he responds with "Jessie." As a stepparent, I would never ask the older kids to refer to me by a name they don't feel comfortable with, and I would never try to supplant their mother. At the same time, this side effect of that really hurts. I worked so hard and went through so much to be able to actually be Mommy to someone, and even while I know how and why it's happening, it still feels like that is being diluted.
(I am really glad that my husband understands how I feel and why and does what he can to reinforce "Mommy" with my son)
Monday, April 18, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Hope Doesn't Float
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Hope is a cinder block. If there is mortar and the plans are good and the ground is even and the foundation is strong, you can really build something. If you don't have those things, hope becomes nothing more than the weight tied around your ankles, pulling you down as you try to swim and then as you try to just tread water.
Monday, April 04, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Pools and Pools
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I started the day in a swimming pool in Ft. Myers, FL, enjoying swimming with Patrick and soaking in the hot tub. I'm finishing the day in my uncle and aunt's home in Sarasota, waiting to see what will happen to my husband's basketball pools. Villanova and UNC are tied, and the result determines whether he takes first or second in each of two pools worth several hundred dollars. And Nova's buzzer-beater costs us around $400. One the one hand, bite me Nova. On the other hand, second is still worth some much-appreciated money. And that was one hell of a game.
I started the day in a swimming pool in Ft. Myers, FL, enjoying swimming with Patrick and soaking in the hot tub. I'm finishing the day in my uncle and aunt's home in Sarasota, waiting to see what will happen to my husband's basketball pools. Villanova and UNC are tied, and the result determines whether he takes first or second in each of two pools worth several hundred dollars. And Nova's buzzer-beater costs us around $400. One the one hand, bite me Nova. On the other hand, second is still worth some much-appreciated money. And that was one hell of a game.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: April Fools
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Ah, April Fools Day. the day when I feel like the biggest killjoy in the world. And yet, I refuse to stop. Every year, I will post something highlighting that the "I'm pregnant" prank is NOT FUNNY. Even when I was pregnant, it wasn't funny. Even when I had a baby and had not yet had my miscarriage, it wasn't funny. Now that I've lost a baby and a tube and an ovary and haven't been able to conceive again, it sure as hell isn't funny. Now that two of my closest friends lost their daughter at a day old and haven't conceived again, it sure as hell isn't funny. I'm not saying people can't have fun on April Fools Day, but show some damned creativity!!! And anyone who says I'm too sensitive is hereby invited to walk in my shoes or my husband's shoes or those of my friends T and D and then see how they feel.
Ah, April Fools Day. the day when I feel like the biggest killjoy in the world. And yet, I refuse to stop. Every year, I will post something highlighting that the "I'm pregnant" prank is NOT FUNNY. Even when I was pregnant, it wasn't funny. Even when I had a baby and had not yet had my miscarriage, it wasn't funny. Now that I've lost a baby and a tube and an ovary and haven't been able to conceive again, it sure as hell isn't funny. Now that two of my closest friends lost their daughter at a day old and haven't conceived again, it sure as hell isn't funny. I'm not saying people can't have fun on April Fools Day, but show some damned creativity!!! And anyone who says I'm too sensitive is hereby invited to walk in my shoes or my husband's shoes or those of my friends T and D and then see how they feel.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: The Finances of Miscarriage
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I'm on several Facebook groups related to miscarriage, and this article just showed up in my feed from one of them. I hadn't thought about how much miscarriage would cost for other people. When I thought mine was a "normal" miscarriage, I was thinking about how this baby that we had wanted was gone, dead inside me. I wasn't thinking about the cost to us for appointments or the surgery. I get reminders of the economic impact of my surgery frequently, as we are still working on paying the bills ($4000 or so?), but blood transfusions and an ICU stay will do that. I didn't think about what other people would pay or what I would have been paying if mine had been a "normal" D&C.
Food for thought, especially in this age where "everyone has insurance" means "we act like we'll take away your tax money, but we know you don't pay taxes because you have no income and we won't actually give you Medicaid until you're already dying of cancer and unable to be saved instead of 2 years earlier when it could have helped." No, I'm not bitter.
I'm on several Facebook groups related to miscarriage, and this article just showed up in my feed from one of them. I hadn't thought about how much miscarriage would cost for other people. When I thought mine was a "normal" miscarriage, I was thinking about how this baby that we had wanted was gone, dead inside me. I wasn't thinking about the cost to us for appointments or the surgery. I get reminders of the economic impact of my surgery frequently, as we are still working on paying the bills ($4000 or so?), but blood transfusions and an ICU stay will do that. I didn't think about what other people would pay or what I would have been paying if mine had been a "normal" D&C.
Food for thought, especially in this age where "everyone has insurance" means "we act like we'll take away your tax money, but we know you don't pay taxes because you have no income and we won't actually give you Medicaid until you're already dying of cancer and unable to be saved instead of 2 years earlier when it could have helped." No, I'm not bitter.
Monday, February 22, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Tear Soup
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One of my clients handed this book to me to borrow a couple of weeks ago. A family friend had suggested it to her after she recently lost her husband. She said I would cry when reading it, and she was right, but it was the good kind of cry, the "yes, that's what it's like" kind of cry. It's written to fit for children and adults both, and it does a really good job of breaking down how grief changes and how it gets shared with others.
The main author has written several other short books and pamphlets, mainly about losing a child. She has a book for the older sibling of a lost baby and one for the rainbow baby. She has a pamphlet for parents after a miscarriage. I don't know if that would help or not at the stage that I'm at right now, but I've been thinking about getting it.
Right now, I feel so alone, like we're the only ones who can't have a rainbow baby. I know that's not true, I know there are so many people out there who haven't been able to have theirs. But it feels like it's just us. I still get a lot of comfort from having my son, and I know that's comfort and joy that I wouldn't have if Otter had come before him. But it's still lonely, and I'm still making my tear soup.
One of my clients handed this book to me to borrow a couple of weeks ago. A family friend had suggested it to her after she recently lost her husband. She said I would cry when reading it, and she was right, but it was the good kind of cry, the "yes, that's what it's like" kind of cry. It's written to fit for children and adults both, and it does a really good job of breaking down how grief changes and how it gets shared with others.
The main author has written several other short books and pamphlets, mainly about losing a child. She has a book for the older sibling of a lost baby and one for the rainbow baby. She has a pamphlet for parents after a miscarriage. I don't know if that would help or not at the stage that I'm at right now, but I've been thinking about getting it.
Right now, I feel so alone, like we're the only ones who can't have a rainbow baby. I know that's not true, I know there are so many people out there who haven't been able to have theirs. But it feels like it's just us. I still get a lot of comfort from having my son, and I know that's comfort and joy that I wouldn't have if Otter had come before him. But it's still lonely, and I'm still making my tear soup.
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
#MicroblogMondays: Weather
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
Last weekend, I took the toddler sledding on the inch of snow we had. Last night, I turned the air conditioning on because even with opening the windows it hit 76 in my apartment. That's just nuts.
Last weekend, I took the toddler sledding on the inch of snow we had. Last night, I turned the air conditioning on because even with opening the windows it hit 76 in my apartment. That's just nuts.
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