So, um, yeah, I've been gone a while. After looking through LFCA to catch up and seeing Keiko's APB for missing bloggers, I'm half surprised I didn't end up on there! There has been a reason for the 4 month absence, though. For those I don't know in person and for those I know in person but hadn't caught up with to tell, I'm now separated. I made the choice to leave DH, and we have been separated since the beginning of June.
Before I say anything else, I want to emphasize that DH and I are friends again. Yes, already. DH is a very good man and a very good friend, and I care about him very much. However, he is not the man that I should be married to at this point.
One thing that has been key to me, both as I made the decision to leave and since then, is the deep sense of peace that I have had that, even if I don't know when or how, I will be a mother someday. That sense of peace has stuck with me, to the point where being around babies and pregnant women doesn't actually upset me anymore.
But what does that mean now? After all, this is an infertility blog. And I'm still not a mother. But I'm not trying to conceive either. Where do I fit in the infertility community? There's a whole room in Mel's Blogroll for special situations and a category in there for "Family Building When Single"...but I'm not building a family at this point. I guess it's a good thing that I never took myself out of the "No Longer Trying/On A Break" room any of the times when I thought the IVF cycle would happen. I didn't move to the "General Infertility and Treatments" room when I first thought I would cycle because I didn't get around to it. After that cycle got canceled just before the first shots, I didn't want to jinx it any of the other times. After that I couldn't believe that a cycle would actually happen until the first shot (although that didn't seem to help much each time it got postponed). But at any rate, I don't really know where I fit in anymore.
I was considering just letting the blog die. But my friend Katie pointed out that it could help other people to see a story that doesn't end with being a mother or living as a couple child-free. So I decided to keep posting. I don't know how often I'll post or how active I'll be as a poster or a commenter, but I am going to keep this blog going. We'll see what happens on this crazy adventure called life!
