Friday, April 28, 2017

NIAW 2017: Listen Up - I Will Not Be Silent

I wasn’t sure what to write for National Infertility Awareness Week this year.  I haven’t been having much time to blog, and I haven’t been very connected to the ALI community online, which doesn’t seem to have the vibrancy that it did several years ago.  But I still need to do something for NIAW, and at this point that means writing.

The theme for this year’s NIAW is Listen Up.  That theme says a lot to me because of where I’ve been and where I’ve come on this journey.  I originally started my blog to encourage people to listen and to not be part of the problem of silence and shame that surrounds infertility.  Along the way, I encountered a wide range of willingness to listen and understand.  There have been people who told me they were glad I was speaking up because they did not feel like they could do the same.  There have been people who were supportive and glad to learn more.  There have been people who have shared information for me to listen to, and who listened in return.

There have also been a large number of people who don’t want to listen, who just want me to shut up and be a good little girl and not talk about things that people don’t want to hear about.  The people who told me that no one really wants to know how I feel.  The people who told me that infertility isn’t something to be open about.  The people who acted like they wanted to listen, told me they wanted me to talk to them about how they felt, and then hid from me, talked about me behind my back for being open, used my feelings and my needs against me.


To them I say, Listen Up.  I am here, I am open, and I am not going anywhere.  I will not sit down and shut up and let you pretend that infertility is a dirty little secret that people deserve or that nice people don’t talk about.  I refuse to be silent, because in silence hides shame.  I refuse to be ashamed for having a medical condition, and I refuse to be ashamed for wanting a child or for wanting another child.  I refuse to be ashamed of my feelings and my experience.  So Listen Up.

http://www.resolve.org

Friday, February 03, 2017

*facepalm*

Quote of the day: "If you want to have kids, you should try using Depo.  I got pregnant with 2 of my 4 kids while I was on it, and a third one while I was on the Pill."

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

#MicroblogMondays: In the Minor Leagues

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too

We are taking this month off from going to the RE, but not taking this month off from trying.  I hadn't mentioned it before, because I've been too busy dealing with the aftereffects of it, but I was in an accident on December 14 that totaled my car.  (I was lucky enough to not be majorly injured, but still have some bruising a month later and need PT for my back now.)  We are still finishing up buying a car, and the logistics of trying to get to the RE while sharing one car are prohibitive. (Mel, since the Beltway and the Perimeter are the same size, it's as if I lived in Gaithersburg and worked in Poolesville while the clinic is where 95 and 495 meet by College Park.)  We both have mixed emotions about skipping the medicated cycle.  Since we're back to a deductible, it lets more of the HSA build up before we try (although an ER visit for one of the kids may have killed both the deductible and the HSA balance).  And Papa Bear wants me to have more time to recover and start the PT sessions before adding more medications to my body again.

But it feels weird to have a new plan and be waiting to implement it.  Remember how we had 4 eggs in November and was told not to try and tried anyway?  Well, in December, we did 2.5 mg of Femara instead and got FIVE eggs.  Because my body is that damned crazy.  So now my RE wants to cut the smallest Clomid pills in half and do 25 mg of Clomid.  But we're not doing it this month.  At least no one can tell us this month that we have too many eggs and can't try!  I may be benched in the major leagues, but at least I can play in the minors?