That title was a chapter title in one of the Wheel of Time books I've been listening to lately, and it seemed to fit, since everything we encounter seems to push back our dream of a family farther and farther.
My insurance is changing again. I'm going from no coinsurance to 50% coinsurance. That's only up to an out of pocket max of $1500, but there's no way we can pay $1500 for close to another year (at which point the insurance will probably change again). So the box of medications gets to sit there in the dining room, as lonely and forlorn as I feel. I don't even know if we'll be able to use it when we can get money together, or if I have to try IUI first. After all, my RE was surprised that it wasn't a requirement on my last insurance. I just sent an email to our representative at the new insurance to ask her.
Ended up losing my cool and crying like an idiot in front of our HR person, our financial manager (who almost everyone is intimidated by), the insurance rep and the insurance broker yesterday. I still don't get how it's impossible for them to get shit together to give us longer than a 4-day open enrollment period. Every company I've worked at before has given a month, and every company DH has worked for has given either 2 weeks or a month. I was at least able to find out that if I go with our insurance, I can cancel that through 10/31 if it turns out that the insurance is better at DH's new job. We have friends that work there, but it's hard to get what we need in terms of answers about coverage at this point because there's 4 different plans DH can choose from, and our friends don't know details about all 4. Still, being able to make that change helps avoid the short open enrollment period screwing us over like it did last year. It makes me so mad to think about the fact that we could have had a couple of cycles under our belt, maybe even one that worked, if the open enrollment period last year had been even 2 weeks, long enough for me to get answers from them about what was covered!
Since I've been having such a hard time with all this lately, I'm going up to 150 on the Zoloft, at least for a little while. Still need to talk to the nurse at work about the real safety of Zoloft, with those commercials making DH twitchy.
Still haven't heard back from the genetic testing people on whether DH is currently covered for the test. If I hadn't been a stupid SMA carrier, we could have actually had this cycle before the insurance changed! September 8 was the one-year anniversary of this blog and was also supposed to be the day I would start my shots. Instead I felt like crap and went home early and took Tylenol and lay down.