Friday, October 21, 2011


As we get into my second International Comment Leaving Week, it's been an eventful week over in this part of IF-land, rife with hard financial decisions.

For those new to the story, DH and I are currently stalled out waiting to find out whether he is a carrier for spinal muscular atrophy, like I am.  Finding out that I'm a carrier killed our cycle from last month before it started and pushed us into a new insurance year and new insurance plan, taking us from no coinsurance for IVF to $1500 coinsurance.  We've been waiting for insurance coverage for DH in order to get the testing done.  He could have gotten it done while he was on my insurance this month, but it's taken two weeks so far to find out what effect that would have on the HSA that covers my deductible.  His new insurance will take effect this weekend, and once we know his insurance numbers, we can order the test for him.  We can't really afford to do the test at this point, since it would fall under the deductible and thus come out of our pockets.  At the same time, the emotional cost of being stalled out is high enough that DH said tonight that we can't really afford not to do it now either.

Speaking of costs we can't afford, my oldest cat, Kechara, was sick again over the last couple of weeks.  Through it, we found out that even when he was healthy, he was losing weight.  He's lost 5 pounds over the last year or so.  The vet said last night that if his labwork came back normal, which it basically did, that we'd be most likely looking at cancer.  However, there's no way to tell unless we do an x-ray ($150) and possibly an ultrasound (a couple hundred dollars).  And if we find out that he does have cancer, we'd have the question of whether surgery would be helpful or harmful and, if it would be helpful, whether we could afford it.  There would be no way to afford it without putting our dreams of IVF on hold for a while longer. 

So I'm feeling caught between whether to possibly save the life of the furry child I have now or whether to create my possible human child.  Either way we're looking at uncertainties and possibilities.  I don't know if Kechara has cancer.  I don't know if we would be able to conceive on the first try with IVF.  I don't know if he does have cancer, if it would be operable (without hurting him more than it helps).  I don't know if we could become pregnant through IUI instead of IVF.  I don't know how long Kechara would live if cancer was able to be surgically removed...he's 12 years old, but before last year he was perfectly healthy despite being overweight.  I don't know anything except that it will break my heart whenever I do lose Kechara and that it's breaking my heart not being a parent to a human child. 


  1. UGH! As if trying to sort out insurance isn't difficult enough...I'm so sad to hear of the potential news of your fur baby. As a "mother" to a kitty and a dog I cannot begin to imagine the conflicting emotions you're feeling....

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  3. I am so sorry about your cat situation. That is so sad. :( What a tough decision! If you don't do treatments is there something you can do to help him be more comfortable? Especially as he is getting up there in age, it might be good to look into those sorts of measures.
    I hope that you are able to get the test soon and find peace about whatever decision you make regarding treatment for your cat or IVF.
    ICLW #8

  4. Yeah, when a friend of mine was losing his cat, he used subcutaneous fluids to keep him comfortable for a lot longer.

  5. I'm so sorry about your fur child - I know exactly how you feel and it's heartbreaking...Thinking about you.

    Thank you for visiting my blog.
    ICLW #77

  6. Thank you for visiting my blog and my heart goes out to you on this diagnosis. Hugs. I really hope you can sort out the insurance and get the testing done, so you will know if your DH is a carrier too.
    And I am so sorry about your cat. How devastating to have to make these kinds of decisions. Sending lots of hugs, prayers and support.

  7. What a heartbreaking choice. I'm so sorry!

    <3 from ICLWland.