Sunday, May 12, 2013


I wish I didn't dread this day every year.  It was somewhat better this year.  I went for the strategy of avoidance and ignoring, and it actually worked somewhat successfully.  I've been able to tune out most of the commercials and signs and ads, but it's still there.  I still got asked by a waitress Friday night, "are you a mother?"  And when I said no I got the really awkward, "Oh, well, have a happy day anyway."

I'd like to be able to go to church today, but I know that's a trigger for me.  I try to just focus on celebrating the moms in my life, but almost every sermon focuses on how blessed it is to be a mother.  Which I'm not.  And on how life means more when you're a mother.  Which I may never know.

I'm trying to take care of myself today.  I'd like to be able to go to church, but I'm not.  I'm going and doing something fun where I won't run into happy families celebrating together.  And we'll see how it goes.


  1. Many hugs, lady. Today is a hard day for so many. But I will say one thing: life does not mean more whether or not your a mother. Despite what so many will try to tell you, birthing children doesn't make you any more or less valuable. So focus on that. Focus on the mothers in your life. And then do something special for yourself today.

    Thinking of you today and sending many hugs.

  2. I've been passing my message along.
    Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are celebrating the day empty handed due to a loss or because your child has yet to make it to your arms. You are just as much a mother as the woman who has 12 kids tagging along after her. You are a mother in your heart, you go through the pain of treatments and negatives, but you are already a mother putting forth more as a mother to bring your children here, than so many others. Babyloss moms, you have endured the most tragic and important job a mother could ever do for her child. Sending them off from this life with love and honor and respect. Being strong and keeping their memory alive. Doing this while grieving and heartbroken in a society who minimizes the greatest effort a mother could possibly do.... letting go. It's a shame that Mother's Day is the way it is, alienating and separating women, rewarding some, degrading and ignoring others due to things they have no control over. If anything, Mother's Day should lift up those who are Mother's in their heart but not in their hands because ultimately, the mother's getting all the praise and fluff HAVE their greatest gift already, their children. And now that I have experienced Mother's Days as an infertile, a baby loss momma, and as a mother of living children, I can say that the difficulties of raising children-the exhaustion, the sacrifices, the worry, etc. is NOTHING compared to the lifelong grief I carry for the child who cannot be with me. Happy Mother's Day to you all. XOXO