Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Sped-Up Alphabet Soup

Turns out that with my CD1 being on a Thursday and the clinic only doing HSGs on Wednesdays, they want to do it tomorrow instead of next Wednesday.  So it has been a mad rush trying to get the right form sent in by my doctor and get the antibiotic called in and picked up and the insurance information in.  And now I find out that I have to pay for it tomorrow rather than being able to have a little spare time while they ran it through insurance, since there's still thousands of dollars left on our deductible.  I was hoping to be paying it AFTER rent was paid; I just felt more comfortable that way.  So much for that.

And now I'm scared.  Scared that the pain will be worse than I remember.  Scared that it will be bad enough that I won't feel up to orchestra rehearsal that night.  Scared of even getting there on time because I had to put in a client appointment at noon when I have to be there at 1:45 and the clinic is an hour away from my office.  And scared of what they will find.  Scared that my other tube is broken too.  Scared that I'm going to need more surgery to "fix" the endometriosis.  Scared that even with more surgery my tube won't be salvageable.  Just, scared.  I found myself crying as I was driving today.  I don't remember being scared before my last one, but before that one I was so desperate for answers.  Now I have enough answers to know that having more answers may hurt more than it helps.

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