Saturday, May 07, 2011

That's what I get, I guess

So, I was sleeping in this morning, just got up about 10 minutes ago, and only got up then because I have a wedding to be at in 45 minutes.  I love sleeping in.  I hate mornings, and I like my days to start at the crack of noon whenever possible.  I enjoy and relish in my morning sleep when I can have it.  This morning, though, part of me wishes that I had needed to get up earlier, because then I wouldn't have had the dream I did.

I dreamed I got a BFP.  In the dream, I just tested for the hell of it, because I had a test that was about to expire.  I wasn't expecting anything because, like in real life, we weren't officially trying or doing treatments or anything.  But I got a BFP.  I was thrilled at first, of course, but then I started getting REALLY frightened about the possibility of a miscarriage.  I got as far as thinking of how hard it would be to not tell people, and then the dream changed to something else.

Even though I didn't wake up directly from that dream, it still HURT to wake up, remember the dream, and know that it was just a dream that has a high chance of never coming true.  Serves me right for sleeping in when there's things I could/should be doing.


  1. I really disagree! I happen to know that you work so very hard all the time & do tons of things for tons of people all the time. The very least that you deserve is to get to sleep in sometimes!!! As far as the dream - most dreams are lessons we aren't paying attention to during waking hours. There was a reason for your dream. I just don't know what. But it certainly wasn't punishment! God & the universe aren't punishing you for anything & they certainly aren't withholding a baby as punishment. It doesn't work that way & I certainly know you to be very worthy, more so than most, of becoming a mother. I don't know the reason. I wish I did, could solve this for you. With all my heart! But you are not the reason you don't have a baby, & neither is D. I know that for sure.

  2. Oh sweetie. I hope you get your BFP someday. Hopefully soon. Life is not fair that is for certain. Hang in there!