Thursday, March 22, 2012

Decisions, Decisions

I got a call from my nurse earlier today, and the cycle is officially dead before it began.  Again.  After having said that the pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) probe needed to be done before I started shots, my doctor switched up on me (again) and said that he won't let me start pills until it's done.  This is at least the second time he's switched things up on me, after originally saying that he would prefer a day 5 biopsy instead of a day 3 one and then changing "would prefer" to "will only do."

My nurse is also pissed at this point.  She's pissed at the gene lab for putting her in the middle and telling her to call me and tell me they needed parent samples rather than calling me themselves.  She's also pissed at the gene lab only saying at first that they wanted samples from my parents and then later saying they actually wanted samples from both sets of parents.  She's also pissed that I did what I was supposed to and that other people not doing their jobs is what is preventing me from cycling.  So at least I'm not the only one that's pissed.  She and I were kinda yelling to (and specifically not *at*) each other on the phone today since we were both upset.

So where does that leave me now?  Well, for one thing, swinging back and forth between numbness, tears, and anger.  Especially with getting the final word from my nurse, it's a good thing I had called in sick today (I'm basically ok, but running a bit of a temp and just feeling crappy), because I would have had a hell of a time holding it together for clients. 

It also leaves me with a major decision to make, about whether to cycle in one month or three, and I'm interested in opinions.  DH told me it was my decision and that he was ok either way.  Two months just isn't an option because of an event at the end of June that DH and I are running. 

If we cycle in one month, we have to have the probe done (which takes 3 weeks after they receive the samples from all 4 parents) by April 21.  Overnight FedExing of the sample kits each way, but I'm not going to have the last address until tomorrow at best.  I'm scared of the probe not being done in time and having to go through this emotionally again.  Cycling in one month would also mean missing something at the end of May that is fulfilling to me.  I've been told my friends will make it be ok if I choose to miss it, but it's something I get a lot out of and a chance to see friends I rarely see.  Cycling in one month would also make it possible to get a second cycle in before my plan year ends on 9/30 (DH's plan year is 1/1 to 12/31).  I have an out-of-pocket max of $3000 and an employer-paid deductible of $1500.  This year, we put the other $1500 on DH's flex spending account both so that we didn't have to pay taxes on it and so we had it all at once instead of having to save it up.  For a cycle after 9/30, we would need to either pay the $1500 between deductible and out-of-pocket max by gathering it together between 9/30 and the end of the year or by waiting for that next cycle until January 2013 so that we could have a new year's flex spending account.

If we cycle in three months, I don't have to miss my May event (although I would miss it next year if the cycle worked, but then I'd miss it less because I'd have a baby), and I don't have to be scared of the probe not being completed in time.  I would start shots while DH is at or just coming back from a curling trip (yes, in the summer), but I would be about at or already at the beach with my family, and several of my cousins are/were nurses (one's a doctor, but I dunno if he'll be there).  *Insert Smithers-like tapping of fingertips together*  I would have to wait longer to cycle, though, and I don't think there would be any way to get another cycle in before my insurance plan year ends.  So IVF #2 would entail either waiting until January or coming up with $1500.  Which I know isn't an astronomical about, but still.

I don't need to make a decision right away, but I do need to make it soonish since I need to buy plane tickets if I'm going to the thing in May.  I'm working on getting the sample kits out to the parents right away either way, to leave myself that flexibility, although if it takes long to get those back, that'll make the decision for me.  It feels like the two main things driving me right now are fear of the probe not being done in time for waiting just one month and not wanting to miss the May event.  What do y'all think?

19 comments:

  1. I think you should trust your gut instinct. Text me and we can discuss.

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  2. (((HUGS))) I am sorry that you were canceled before the cycle ever began. I can only imagine how tough that is. I am curious about your event that you would need to buy plane tickets for, is it by chance a Southwest market? If so you could purchase the tickets now and if for some reason you can not go you could you could cancel the tickets without any change fees. Best of both worlds if you ask me.
    I guess it boils down to if I were in your shoes I would cycle as soon as possible, because it is something that I want more than anything in the world. You are the only person who can make that call. Good Luck!!!

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  3. I'm sorry things have been so rough!

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  4. If it was me, I would try for a one month cycle, particularly with the insurance timing. C and I were talking last night about how infertility is a lot like becoming a parent early - you have to make sacrifices and adjustments to your life before your baby-to-be is even conceived. Sorry things aren't going smoothly for you.

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  5. Anonymous9:16 AM

    In the real world you don't get to pick and choose when you get pregnant and you quickly figure out your priorities and make adjustments. If you truly want a child so badly, then why are you even thinking of putting it off for social events and other wants.

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    1. First of all, this is the real world, and second of all, plenty of fertiles do get to pick and choose when they're going to be pregnant, or at least when they're not going to be pregnant. I've seen plenty of, "I'm not going to try this month because I don't want to be huge/giving birth right when I have X/Y/Z."

      Also, I'm trying to find a balance between being infertile and still being an actual person. I've been so drowned in infertility that I neglected the rest of who I am, and I was miserable. I've also drowned myself in the other things that fulfill me, to smother the pain when I wasn't able to try for insurance reasons, and I got yelled at for that and was miserable.

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    2. Anonymous, this IS her "real world." It's not just "putting it off for social events and other wants" - it's also about whether or not the probe will be ready in a month. I imagine it would be worse to start a cycle and then have to stop (AGAIN) because something wasn't ready. Not only would it be emotionally draining, but it wouldn't be terribly good health-wise either, using all those hormones to gear up for something and then having to stop suddenly.

      I'll also second the comment that plenty of people are able to plan their pregnancies. I've certainly heard, "I don't want to be pregnant in the summer, so we're not trying right now."

      And why "Anonymous"? Perhaps you like to hide behind a keyboard or you know Jessie personally and don't have the nerve to talk to her about it offline? Either way, if reading about her real world struggles annoys you to the point that you feel the need to write a vicious comment, save yourself the aggravation and stop reading.

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    3. aww yes, one of the "benefits" of the IF world...you do get to pick when to get preg...well, when to go through treatment hell at least, though the getting part is usually a few years after the originally picked date. during IF hell, i think it's important to not cancel all social events and hold off on life completely when possible--you have to maintain a balance between throwing everything aside for treatment and said treatment whenever possible.

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  6. Wow I can't believe a person who doesn't even have the guts to put a name to her post is being such an idiot. Well actually, I can, because that's what gutless people do.

    If not for the money and you don't mind waiting, 3 months sounds better, but money and waiting can sometimes rule all!

    I'm doing PGD for the first time next cycle and I don't really know how it works! I'm nervous there's timing issues with it from what you said that is going to drag things out...and I have a vacation in June already scheduled...

    ICLW #43

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    1. Thanks, Ducky! What is the reason for the PGD in your case? When are you expecting the next cycle to start?

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  7. I am so, so sorry! I hope that your path becomes clear and that you settle on a decision that gives you peace.

    Here from ICLW.

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  8. Hi from ICLW!

    First I want to say good luck on the decision. Maybe the kits and getting them back time wise will make it easier.

    Second to anonymous... All of my fertile friends pretty much planned their pregnancy so I don't know what your issue is. Second, when going thru treatments the best you can do for yourself is timing it when your in the right place to do so! Ugh people amaze me.

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  9. Wow...those are really tough decisions! But based purely on what you wrote it sounds like it's money versus life events. If you can afford the money, I'd said wait until month 3. If you can't, then month 1. I hope it all just works out the first time for you!! Good luck.

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  10. Ho from ICLW! I think I'm on the waiting side of things. Seems less stressful that way. Good luck either way!

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  11. Here from ICLW as well. So sorry you are having to go through all this. I find with these kind of decisions, my heart is usually yelling which option to pick...I just have to go through all my thoughts to figure out why. Most of the time my heart yells "SOONER THAN LATER" though. lol. I'm not very patient...

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  12. if you can wait to see if the tests come back in enough time, than i think i'd try that route (b/c if they don't...like you said, the decision is made for you). that said, i've found that in times that i rush, or try to rush things, it usually turns out that i should have waited and been a bit more patient (not my strong point at all!). waiting sounds great so you won't miss somethings, but i know the insurance issue isn't a small thing either. thus, back to my first sentence.

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  13. I'm sorry your cycle was canceled, and that you have some really big, not so ideal decisions to make about when to do the next one. It sounds like you have a really good understanding of where you are, though, so whatever you decide will be the right thing to do.

    Wishing you lots of luck in the next few months!

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  14. Here from ICLW. I'm so sorry you have to make such a tough decision. IF is hard enough even when it doesn't seem to interrupt every aspect of our lives. I hope whatever decision you come to brings you peace. And that lab totally sucks.

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