This Jimmy Buffett song had struck me a couple of weeks ago with its description of walls: "And the walls that won't come down/We can decorate or climb." I think, I hope that's what I'm doing with the IVF. I can't change the wall that is me and DH both being carriers for spinal muscular atrophy. But I can decorate it through infertility advocacy, and I can try to climb it with the IVF and preimplantation genetic diagnosis.
The poem is another one I wrote from the poet-in-residence program in high school. The prompt was to write about dreams and walls, as Langston Hughes did in "As I Grew Older". I am leaving off the last line because it's clearly about someone else and because it'd not crucial to the poem.
Dreaming of Joy
I dream
Of happiness.
I reach out
Into blackness,
Endlessly searching
For what may never be mine.
In the darkness,
My hands find a wall.
I look for a way around--
There is none.
I punch at the wall,
Trying to break through,
Trying to get out of the eternal night.
It takes years of endless work,
But I finally make it through
And step into sunlight.
I hope that I am able to climb the wall that I've decorated and make it through into sunlight.
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