Saturday, November 20, 2010

I took this from another blog, although I took out the parts that don't fit me at this point in my journey: 

We all get them, those well intentioned comments from family members, co-workers and friends that leave us either:

1)rolling our eyes
2) crying
3) screaming
4) punching a wall (or them if it's a really bad day :-) )
5) writing a blog about what "the others" need to know so that we do the above far less often!

So, here is my attempt at helping "the others" not get harmed along the way when
trying to help an infertile woman.

NEVER EVER SAY JUST RELAX (or anything that implies that we need to just relax): We couldn't agree more that we need to relax, but you informing us that we aren't and we need to do a better job of it is even more un-relaxing!

We do not want to hear stories about your friends friend who:
a) Got pregnant right when she went through with adoption
b) Went through infertility treatments and finally got pregnant with triplets and is now so overwhelmed (especially when you imply : be careful what you wish for)
c) Finally got pregnant after 3 years of trying when she tried.......... (yes, we've tried trick in the book, each one and if you could guarantee us that drinking a pomeranian's piss would impregnate us, we'd do it....I think most IF women would anyway!!)

Do not tell us that it will happen when "the time is right" or "when God wants it to." There are many, many, many reasons this is insanely annoying, too many to go into. And by the way, it does not offer comfort at all.

Do not imply that we are ungrateful for what we have simply because we are very sad that we feel we are missing something. I already ranted about this in a previous post, just know it's a terrible thing to ever say or imply that you think we are, because you are wrong.
5) If you are pregnant and are our friend or family member, we will probably go to your baby shower because we have to, and there is a good chance we will cry before during or after your happy day. There is also the chance that we will not come because.....well....we got a flat tire on the way! (Comment by Jessie: I can very much understand why people would either choose to invite me to their baby shower or why they would choose NOT to invite me.  I don't necessarily know which I'd prefer at this point, although either way I'm not sure I'm up to going.  For me, at this point, the most important part is whether you cared enough to consider my feelings in deciding whether or not to invite me, whichever decision you end up making)

6) You will never ever understand how we feel unless you have walked in our shoes. You can try and relate it to something tragic in your life, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. We do appreciate it though when you truly try to understand.

7) We are emotional, moody and feel like we are completely losing it. We do not want to, or like feeling this way just as much as you do not like us being this way.

9) We think about getting pregnant CONSTANTLY. We may or may not always talk about it, but it is always, always on our mind. Practically everything reminds us of wanting to get pregnant. Even a beer gut reminds us of how much we wish that our guts looked like that, but for other reasons.

11) We just want you to be there for us when we need to vent. We want to know that you are ok with us talking about our infertility with you, and that even if you don't get it, you will listen with an open ear.
13) Infertility sucks major donkey balls and we would not wish this on our worst enemy (unless you tell us to relax and that case........)

Wow, I could go on and on and on!!!!! What other things would you add to this list that you wish "the others" of the world would know about being infertile?

1 comment:

  1. This post is RIGHT ON!!!! I LOVE it. Also, I would add, It is so inappropriate to say to someone with infertility issues that "Not everyone is meant to be a mother."

    Cathching up on your blog posts tonight, and I am enjoying reading what you have written. Always thinking of you.