On Friday night, I was at a book signing. Two rows behind me were a 5-month-old and a 3-month-old. As the 3-month-old began to cry, I was hit with an overwhelming desire to hold it. Immediately after came the knowledge that it would hurt like hell to hold it, knowing that I may never have one of my own. Ever since then, my left arm keeps literally aching, wanting to be bent around the weight of a baby. I can especially feel the ache in my elbow and my upper arm, which would be bearing most of the weight.
We had been hoping that the insurance would be better at DH's new company. We got good news and bad news yesterday. The good news is that they have an FSA, so we can pay for testing and treatments pre-tax up to the limit of the FSA. The bad news is, the PPO that the company works with has no infertility coverage. The HR manager was wonderful and noted that the HMO the company can also work with might have coverage and that she would check. Still, what the hell is up with this? So many of the people on my message board have coverage for diagnostic procedures. Is that really so rare? Are they all just really lucky? Or is it that DH and I are blocked for some reason? That maybe God doesn't want us to succeed?
All I can say is, thank goodness for Zoloft.