Thursday, November 25, 2010

In terms of the things I love about Thanksgiving, this has been a great holiday so far!  Cooking and baking have been enjoyable and relaxing, despite a pie crust mishap.  In terms of infertility, it's been...interesting. 

One thing I was thinking last night is that a silver lining of me focusing so much on being pregnant and having a baby is that I haven't been focusing on what having an older child would be like, so I'm not upset about not sharing things like cooking for Thanksgiving with a child like I loved sharing them with my mom.  If that run-on sentence made any sense...

At any rate, I said that to DH last night.  Big mistake.  An hour or two later, we were finally done talking for the night, having not accomplished anything.  I feel like he doesn't understand me at all through this.  Those who know DH, do NOT get on him about this.  Most people don't understand me, and he is trying (very trying, at times).  But DH likes logic and order and consistency and stability, and this journey is none of those for me, which makes it very hard for him to feel anything other than angry and frustrated with me.

So where we are right now is that I'll be getting my support elsewhere.  I'm not mad at him for this, and I don't want you to be mad at him either.  Like I told him, I'd rather he tell me he can't handle it, especially since I DO have other sources of support that I can make use of, rather than both of us being miserable.

Please don't bring this up with DH.  It's not like I'm trying to hide anything from him...if he wanted to read this post, he could.  But I don't want what I write to come bite him in the ass, because that's not fair to him or, by extension, to me.

1 comment:

  1. It is so hard for them to understand, even though I don't know your DH. I think at least you guys talked about it, that is a good thing. Sometimes when we reach an impasse we stop talking so you guys are doing better!!
    Your run-on sentence did make sense and you will have an older child one day to share these things with.
    Take care